8 weeks of breastfeeding! Or should I say 8 weeks of mix feeding?
I dunno. Either way, I need to cut myself some slack.

I’ve been trying so hard to get my supply up and I think it’s going up by mere millilitres every week.
It’s a slow process and it’s hard.
I pump for 20 minutes after every feeding and then at night I power pump 10 minutes on, 10 minutes off for two hours.
I fucking hate pumping.

All I keep thinking to myself is “why can’t I just do this? Why can’t I just feed my baby like other people? All I wanted was to breastfeed and I’ve tried so hard and I still can’t do it”
I often need to stop and breathe and tell myself that I am doing it.
I may not be doing it exclusively like I had wanted, but I’m still breastfeeding.

We are coming to the end of our second tin of formula. I remembered back to formula feeding the boys and I know we had to buy formula every six days when they were small.
That means if Felix were completely formula fed, we would have bought 10 tins of formula by this point.. But we’ve only bought 2.
I should try to see this as an accomplishment, rather than a failure.
(Not that formula is bad, just that I set out to breastfeed this time and doing both is tedious)

Anyway. I’m still trying.
I sometimes wonder why because it’s so painful at times but I’m too stubborn to give up.
I still have hopes to exclusively breastfeed but all that aside, I just need to stop being so hard on myself.
I’m doing my best and he’s fed and happy.

8 weeks of breastfeeding! Or should I say 8 weeks of mix feeding?
I dunno. Either way, I need to cut myself some slack.

I’ve been trying so hard to get my supply up and I think it’s going up by mere millilitres every week.
It’s a slow process and it’s hard.
I pump for 20 minutes after every feeding and then at night I power pump 10 minutes on, 10 minutes off for two hours.
I fucking hate pumping.

All I keep thinking to myself is “why can’t I just do this? Why can’t I just feed my baby like other people? All I wanted was to breastfeed and I’ve tried so hard and I still can’t do it”
I often need to stop and breathe and tell myself that I am doing it.
I may not be doing it exclusively like I had wanted, but I’m still breastfeeding.

We are coming to the end of our second tin of formula. I remembered back to formula feeding the boys and I know we had to buy formula every six days when they were small.
That means if Felix were completely formula fed, we would have bought 10 tins of formula by this point.. But we’ve only bought 2.
I should try to see this as an accomplishment, rather than a failure.
(Not that formula is bad, just that I set out to breastfeed this time and doing both is tedious)

Anyway. I’m still trying.
I sometimes wonder why because it’s so painful at times but I’m too stubborn to give up.
I still have hopes to exclusively breastfeed but all that aside, I just need to stop being so hard on myself.
I’m doing my best and he’s fed and happy.

New car vs old car.
Squeeeee! 😁

Ro worked from 12am - 8am today, and then came home for an hour and then he left to go and pick up our new car.
We decided to get one from our state instead of travelling to the mainland because we managed to haggle a price down.
But it’s still a 3 hour trip there and another 3 hours back.
Anyway, so he’s been gone since 9am and it’s now 4.30pm and he comes home around 5! I feel like I’ve gotten a taste of what it’s like to have your partner gone from 9-5, normal full time hours.
It suuuuucks. I miss him.
His usual work hours are 3am - 11am so I’m asleep for half the time he’s at work and it feels like he doesn’t work much at all.

So today has been weird.
But he’ll be home soon, with our new car! Wooooo. We’ve been wanting a new car for like a year so this is like really big for us hahaha eeeeee

Anonymous said: As your children grow older are you going to have them "babysit" each other so you and To can go out? Like Evan keeping an eye on your youngest when they're teenagers?

No.
Firstly, Evan will only be 3.5 years older than our youngest.. So it’s not like he’ll have all this responsibility.

And secondly, I just don’t think kids (or teenagers) should have to look after their siblings.
That’s just coming from my personal experience, being 8 years older than my brother and having to help out a lot with caring for him when I was only young and I think it forces kids to grow up sooner than they should have to.
Just my opinion.

If Ro and I ever want to go out, we’ll get somebody to keep an eye on the boys.

Anonymous said: This might be a bit personal but how do you deal with people making judgements about your life? What do you say? I have a toddler and i'm so broody for another for the reasons you listed, staying at home with both of them, having them close in age to grow up etc but i'm only 20, i was 17 when i got pregnant and everyone thinks because my kid was an accident i'll be back in education soon, all i want right now is another child and for my kid to have someone to hang out with in the near future :(

I just tell them that I know what I want and I’m happy with my choices.
It took a long time for my family and Ro’s family to come around to the fact that we are adults making our own choices. They still don’t always understand that but that’s their problem.

I’m so used to judgement at this point that I’ve kinda just switched off to it.. If it’s not their life, it’s not their business.
You know what you want.. Don’t hold off because of other people because other people are never happy no matter what you do.
Do what you want to do and be
confident in yourself and your decisions!

A Ramble

Knowing my next pregnancy and baby will definitely be my last is scary.
It will be the end of a really huge and special time of our lives.
We’ve decided that when the next baby is a few months old we are going to take permanent measures to ensure we don’t have any more babies.
That scares me but I think we need it.
I think it will give us clarity.

We’ve decided that four is perfect for us and I don’t want the desire for excitement to foil our judgement in the future.

Originally we wanted three, but when we knew Felix was a boy we wanted the chance to “try again for a girl”.
That was our original reason for changing our minds but now my reasoning for wanting another is to have an even number, and I always picture myself with another boy and that’s what I hope to have now.
I want to be a mum of four boys all close in age.
Ro wants a girl but he also thinks a boy would be cool.
He’s so excited to try again.. He always talks about our “four” kids and he rubs my (empty) belly.
He’s totally broody.. But not for a newborn, just to have his family complete.
Gosh I love having such a dedicated family man for a husband!

We were going to wait 7 months after Felix was born. That was our plan, even when I was pregnant with Felix.
It’s still our plan.. But it’s crazy that it’s only 5 months away now.
I don’t know if I’ll be ready by then.
I was ready at 2 months postpartum after Evan and 5 months postpartum after Otto.. So it’s likely I’ll be ready but I guess I’m scared of my milk supply dropping or Felix weaning early.
But I guess we’ll just have to see what happens.

A lot of people wonder, “what’s the rush?”, and the answer is that I don’t want to have babies all my life.
It’s hard to explain and not many can comprehend it because everybody loves babies!
I like babies, they’re great and I’m enjoying them while I have them, but I have such big plans for my family.
I want to travel around Australia in our car, go camping, explore! See things!
But I don’t want to truly start getting into it until our youngest child is three (out of nappies, can talk, can remember, etc) and if we have them all close, our youngest will be 3 and our oldest (Evan, duh) will be 6.
And that gives us a good 10 years of awesome family adventures with them all being an appropriate age.

Not to mention I do want a career sooner rather than later but I don’t want to leave the kids until they go to school so having them close means I can be at home with all of them before they’re school aged but also less time out of work for me.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense to anybody. I guess we just want to raise all of our kids at the same time, together.
It appeals to us.
It’s not like we haven’t thought things through, in fact I think we’ve provably thought about all this more than the average couple.

So that’s my justification on the “rush” to finish our family. Because we just want to move past babies and onto the next thing, instead of changing nappies for 10 years straight.

I feel like I have to justify myself. When I talk about our next baby, I feel judged. People telling me it’s “absurd” and to “focus on our current children”, like we’re just having more to replace them or something.
No.. It’s all part of a plan. Our plan, that we’ve carefully constructed together.
It may not be for everybody and that’s fine! I can understand that we all want different things out of life.. I wish others were more open minded and accepting, instead of being so quick to label us as irresponsible.

This post has been such a ramble.
But it’s 2am and I’m feeding Felix so I had time to ramble. Rambling is good for the mind!

Anonymous said: Just a heads up, it takes a year to get your license in Western Australia, need to take the computer test and then you have to wait 6 months and drive 25 hours and then do the driving test and wait another 6 months and another 25 hours before you can do the hazard perception computer test to get your license.... It might be easier to do it before you move.

It takes a year to do it here too but it’s a bit of a different system and since I’m moving in 5 months… It won’t make sense to start it here and then start all over again over there.
May as well just wait!

I really don’t have the time to spend hours driving right now anyway!

Anonymous said: Did the kids get the master bedroom and you and ro took the guest?

Yep. When we move I hope to find another house with a really big bedroom so the boys can still share! And then Felix can join them in a year or something. :)

Anonymous said: You and Jess aren't Facebook friends anymore.

Are you talking about Jessy? Lovemarriagebabycarriage?
Yes we are still friends.
I don’t know what makes you think we’re not but we’re still friends. On Facebook and IRL. You must be tripping!

House

Okay here is my house, video taken like a year or so ago.
I went through my blog and couldn’t find the original post.. I’m pretty sure I’ve posted it a few times too.

I’ve been going through my blog though and I occasionally delete things.. So maybe that’s why.
Also want to note that if anybody ever reads my blog from start to finish (I’m sure nobody cares enough to do that but still) it’s full of inconsistencies because of my weird deleting sprees.

Anyway..